Shit My Players Say
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“DON’T DO IT! I’LL TELL MOM!”
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DM: [Wizard], you realize the glowing container is imprisoning some a-hole fairy that’s trying to escape.
Fairy Wizard, played by my very conservative father-in-law: … You said it’s an… ayole fairy? What’s an ayole fairy??
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“Hello dear just trying to figure out how to kill you and your friends next friday night”
-My Dad, who is our DM
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“i want to grab the children and use them as shields.”
-my mother
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“No dad, you cannot start a cult.”
-Me, the dm, to my father when he wanted to start a “group for like minded individuals” who worship and praise “The Metal”
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“The basement is open! KILL THE CHILD!”
- me
“I think I know understand why parents in the 80s thought D&D was satanic…”
- my mom
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Things my family has said while saying DND (We just started today)
-“My Bard is a TWINK” (Me, after getting my stats)
-“Three musical weapons of choice” (My Dad, helping me)
-“This might become a family pastime” (My Dad, just starting)
-“Yeah, it felled the walls of Jericho!” (My Mom about me asking if a bugel is good for my bard)
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I Pink Lady!
I was DMing for my boys 9 & 6 when my 4 year old daughter pulled up a chair
Daughter: I want be knight too! I want play!
Me without breaking character as inn keeper: Why hello there and who are you?
Daughter: I pink lady! I want pink sword! Big one!
Me: Oh hello pink lady.
Ooc: you really want to play too?
Daughter: Yes! I pink lady!
Ooc: Ok ok so you want to be a knight too?
Daughter: Yes! Pink knight! With big pink sword!
Ooc: Ok, boys so it looks like [Daughter] is playing too.
Later when i said good night to her…
Me: good night
Daughter: I pink lady
Me: … good night pink lady
In another game I was playing with my mates I had ‘the knight of pink’ and her ‘pink knights’ come rescue the party from a black pudding at level 3, they piled in and chopped it to pieces before chest bumping and charging out again.
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Rogue, her mother plays the druid: [Druid] gives off mom vibes
Ranger: Maybe because she is literally your mom
Rogue: Could be.
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we are discussing, out of character, how to depose the tyrant we are sneaking up on. Me: Way Of Shadow Tiefling Monk
Mom: an Oath of Ancients dragonborn paladin
Eldest Sibling: our DM
Mom: if we steal [the tyrant’s] money, no one will want to work for him because they won’t get paid. But if you don’t want to get that political, we can just fight him.
Me: [Monk] doesn’t deal in politics. The only politics he knows is his fists.
Eldest Sibling: *collapses laughing*