Shit My Players Say

Context: My players were in a Kobold occupied cavern, and while navigating a maze of tunnels, happened upon a trapped room with a couple of very large spiders

Paladin: “I go to attack the nearest spider with my sword” Rolls a nat 1
DM: You trip on a loose rock and the spider grabs your sword with its mandibles, roll a strength contest
Paladin: Loses the contest
DM: The spider yoinks your sword away and sends it across the floor
*Paladins turn comes again*
Paladin: “Since it’s distracted I want to pick up my sword and attack it again” Rolls another nat 1
DM: You trip over the same rock somehow, and your hand brushes the spiders head, giving him a little pet. The spider looks at you suddenly intrigued as you fall onto your face

This ended up making our rogue roll animal handling on the one remaining spider after we beat the first one, and since they’re technically domesticated spiders, resulted in it becoming tamed and attached to her, and as a halfling, a suitable size to use it as a mount as the Kobolds use them sometimes. She’s now a proud Spider Rider