Shit My Players Say

First encounter

So, for context, this was my first ever session of D&D acting as a DM. My players were wandering around some ruins near a town rolling for perception, when the halfling monk gets bored. (The party consists of a warforged fighter, a drow fighter, the halfling monk, and my NPC, an elven druid)

The halfling, getting bored, decides to throw a rock through the window of one of the dilapidated buildings around. For shits and giggles I have him roll for it, and he got something like a 12 so I shrug

Me: well, you throw it through the window and a raccoon hops up onto the windowsill and starts kinda making angry noises at you but there’s nothing important there.

Halfling, who at this point has an evil glimmer in his eye: imma throw another rock at it.

Me: *sighs, knowing what’s going to happen* roll for it…

Halfling: *gets a nat 6*

Me: okay, so it doesn’t hit anything but the raccoon drops back into the room it was in.

Then the drunk drow fighter speaks up from across the table.

Drow: I’m going to throw a rock as well

And he gets it through the window. And then the warforged also gets in on it, and eventually I realize that they must be waiting for something to happen. So, on the last roll I have a small swarm of giant rats come down the stairs of the second story that they’ve been throwing rocks into. There’s about ten of them, and the halfling isn’t too worried since he was a bullshit amount of things he can do to take out 3 per turn.

He goes first, then my NPC, and then the warforged and the drow. The halfling takes his turn to run headfirst into the swarm and takes out a few of the rats. My NPC skewers another single rat and then it’s the warforged’s turn.

Warforged: I’m going to go for a wide swing with my war hammer and- *rolls a nat 19* that’s a hit-

Me: you do realize that the halfling is in the middle of that right?

The entire party then starts freaking out because the halfling doesn’t have a lot of hit points. And the warforged rolled high enough to get through his unarmored AC bullshit, with a war hammer that can do massive amounts of damage.

Me: well, maybe it won’t be too bad. [Warforged] roll for damage?

Warforged: *rolls a nat 8*

You can see the entire party freeze as he starts counting up all the damage modifiers for his weapon. Everything was silent for a moment, the halfling player shaking his head in regret a second before the warforged starts laughing his ass off. He got the halfling to exactly 0 health in one hit, flinging him across the room and into the far wall.

Luckily our bard character hadn’t shown up yet and he was able to save the halfling… Barely.