Shit My Players Say

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The wonderful wit, witticism, and weirdness of tabletop gamers. Need help submitting a quote? Check our FAQs!

Want advice on how to run a game, play a game, or find a game? Try the RPG Stack Exchange, @lfglistings, and Roll20!

New reader? Bored and looking for a laugh? Check out a random quote!


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  • The broom with a view

    Context: ¼ CR is giving us the hardest battle I’ve ever encountered. Two players are down.

    Player1: I grapple the broom! (Success)

    Player2: I pull out my rope and tie her and the broom together! (Success)

    DM: The broom tries to break out of the rope.. no dice.

    Player1: I seduce the broom.

    DM: You what?

    Player1: NAT. T W E N T Y.

    DM: …. *hangs head* nat one. You seduce the **** out of that broom. The broom goes limp and becomes an inanimate object. I hate you guys and you now have a fine broom that can fly 10ft elevation at 20ft fly speed.

    Player3: WILL SOMEONE STABILIZE ME?!

    • June 18, 2018 (9:09 am)
    • 1247 notes
    • #shit my players say
    • #rpg
    • #submission
    • #seduce all the things
    • #team spirit
    • #upsetting the dm
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