Shit My Players Say

Context: My group, against all of the warnings our DM gave us, ventured into a dragon’s den, and find it lying on a mountain of treasure.

Rogue: Check to see if it’s asleep.
DM: (rolling a die) Roll insight or perception, whichever is higher.
Rogue: Insight?? (rolls) 12.
DM: It seems to be asleep.
Rogue: Cool, i run up to it and snatch some treasure.
DM: (waits a moment, then continues.) Ooookay. Roll for DEX save.
Everyone: OH SHIT
Rogue: FUCK (rolls a 3) DOUBLE FUCK
DM: The dragon’s eyes snap open. It lunges forward and bites you in its jaws, lifting you high into the air. You are dealt 20 points of damage.
Rogue: That’s it??
DM: The dragon’s throat glows and it blasts you four times with dragon fire, at point blank range. You are dealt 132 points of damage. Your torso is now a charred husk, and what’s left of you falls to the ground with a soft thud as the dragon snorts and turns toward the rest of the party. Everybody roll initiative.

Ranger: No other way to put it guys, we done fucked up