Shit My Players Say

[[Context: the party had encountered a non-aggressive skeleton and were trying to stop the paladin from attacking it. One player had earlier been polymorphed into a lobster for unrelated reasons]]

Lobster: “Before he attacks, can I try to intimidate him out of it?”

DM: “From [the bard]’s pocket?”

Lobster: “Yes.” [Rolls a nat 20]

DM: (while the rest of the party is collectively losing its shit) “[Paladin], you’re moving towards the skeleton, but out of the corner of your eye you see, emerging from [bard]’s pocket, two little claws. A sense of terror begins to grow in your chest as the claws open and close, going ‘snip, snip,’ and with each little snip you feel your heart thud. You are rendered immobile with fear.”